Thirteen days changed our family’s history.
That’s how long we had from the day Annie went into the ER on August 11 until she passed away on August 24, 2023. She was 29. The cancer that took her was one none of us knew was there.
I sat down with Greg Buffkin to talk about her, and about what the years since we lost her have been like.
I am learning that grief is so much more than emotional pain.
- There’s a fog that hasn’t lifted.
- I’ll read a paragraph and have no idea what it said.
- I’m tired in a way that sleep doesn’t restore.
- And fear of losing another loved one sits closer to the surface now.
Before losing Annie, if I called my husband or one of my sons and they couldn’t talk, they’d say, “Can I call you back?”
Now they answer with, “Is everything okay?”
If you’ve lost someone, I don’t have to explain any of this. You already know.
My husband and I are finding out how two people can lose the very same child and grieve in completely different ways. So we hand each other space and grace. Every day.
There were, and still can be, stretches when I can’t pray at all. There are days I open my Bible and just stare at it. But God doesn’t leave me there. He comes close through friends who keep sending me daily scripture and weekly prayers. And one day when I was lying on her bed so full of sorrow, something settled in me that I still hold onto:
God misses watching Annie too. He misses her being with us, laughing with us, dancing with me in the kitchen, seeing us, his children full of joy.
He misses that too!
I know that people mean well when they reach for a line like “God will take your pain away.” The pain will never leave. Here’s what I’ve found:
“He didn’t eliminate the pain, but He has helped alleviate it.”
The hardest part for most people, though, is the fear of saying the wrong thing to someone who’s grieving. That fear is exactly why I made the Beyond “I Don’t Know What to Say” grief cards. Greg has a set of his own, and this is what he told me:
“I think this is really an incredibly important and useful resource. The questions are just incredible.”
— Greg Buffkin, Host, Hope After Child & Sibling Loss / The Empty Chair Endeavor
If you’re walking through loss, or walking beside someone who is, I hope this conversation meets you where you are.
🎧 Listen to our conversation.
Grief is complicated. Communication doesn’t have to be.
I would be honored to know who you’re missing. Reply with their name, a fun memory, or how I can pray for you. You’re not alone.
I really enjoyed this episode …it really opened my eyes to grief , a whole different perspective on God as well. He misses her too.
Thank you Gina! Yes- He misses our families being complete!!
Hi Cheri: We continue to miss our Victor. Thank you for the discussion.
Peace
Gwen Humphries & Family
Victor is forever remembered! Thank you, friend!
Treasure this opportunity to know you and Annie more fully. Your vulnerability and openness have helped me and I’m sure others to feel less alone. I find it hard to not go inward with my grief. Thank you for leading the way as you grieve and point others to the one who is “the WAY”.
Thank you, Debra! I am so thankful for hos God brought you into my life! Your Amy and Max will be talked about always.
An excellent discussion! Always love hearing your insights and discussions with others. Also loved the story about Annie learning to drive! Heart-stopping! Yikes! But also hilarious and so Annie!
HA HA! Yes – it was a terrifying experience. Oh, Sweet Annie, many a fun moment we had!!