What we hear people say is often edited in our minds and words from the past can get added. This can be compliments as well as criticism or even questions of clarification.
I even find myself taking a compliment and allowing playground banter, childhood struggles, and self-shaming to minimize it, keeping the gift I have just been given from being received.
While taking a personal growth workshop I learned my love language. I learned that we understand love when we receive it in our love language. For instance, my language is Act Of Service. If I come home and someone in the family has taken the time to clean the kitchen, fold my laundry or even wash my car, I am filled with the acknowledgment that I matter. This is also where I am hurt and can feel as if I have no value. If I come home to a mess I take it to mean I am not valued and that can continue into I am not really loved. My mind tells me “if they really loved me they would want to ease my load.”
I know that this is not the case, but I am looking at the situation from a place of hurt. If your language is Words Of Affirmation then any criticism or even questions of clarification will be received with the view of your value and ability.
If I am the one asking a question of clarification and it is not received in the context that I asked, I need to recognize that what I meant to say and what they heard are not the same. Something I said woke up hurt and their response came from that place. This is where careful prayer and understanding our own hurts prior to words being said is critical.
Words Are Eternal –
I remember yelling at the kids who teased me in elementary school, “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me”. Where on earth did that ridiculous statement come from? I have broken a bone and I fully recovered and I rarely think about it. But I have not recovered from words used and names I have been called. They resurface when someone says “are you sure you really want to do it that way?” for one example.
I hear the taunting voices telling me I am stupid and I see the remedial textbooks in my locker. Yet the person standing in front of me loves me, has no part of that history, and has never told me I am stupid.
[click_to_tweet tweet=”When Words Are Heard From Place Of Hurt” quote=” Unfortunately, the hurt child in me comes out in my response and other person is hit with a counterpunch they do not deserve.”]
I have taken those words as if they are sticks and stones and I have built an altar with them. When I allow them to surface and use them to hurt back I am not surrendered. I am still trying to heal myself and now that hurt can become my right, my power and thus my idol.
I have not given them to the one who died and took them upon Himself.
My prayer is that I give God my pain and not the person in front of me.
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.Ps 147:3
Give God the words that have hurt you, the rejection, the times you don’t feel valued and your fears. He wants you to free yourself of them so you can know and understand your value and who He created you to be.
For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Eph 2:10
God did not create me to be stupid. He did not create you to be ______.
He created you with a purpose.