This morning a dear friend shared her heavy heart with me. We prayed about the choices her child is making and the long-term effects this will have. As parents, we often get blamed for being the cause of such choices. We get called judgemental and controlling and whatever else their skunk defense* sprays at us.
No one likes to think they are being controlled. Isn’t that what got us into this mess of a planet?
Our Desire For Independence
We are born dependent but immediately start our growth toward independence.
By the time our brain can form words, the first one after dada and mama (of whom we are completely dependent) is NO.
This is shortly followed by “I do it”. Owning our choices is even harder.
My kids would stubbornly claim their self-ability and then quickly run to me wanting me to fix it when the results didn’t quite turn out as they hoped.
Our Reflex To Blame
Blame starts the minute we know there could be another way out, like a new sibling. Internet videos are full of cute kids blaming their newborn or toddler sibling for multiple situations.
There are even some with dogs who try to discard their responsibility.
At age 50 I still try to reach into the corners of my childhood to understand triggers, automatic reactions and choices I have made. Of course, Adam and Eve are prime examples of where blaming began.
As we get older we often continue the pattern of justification. Being a parent, I will take the brunt of my children’s blame. As a parent Himself, God often takes the brunt of it. Do you find yourself blaming someone for a choice you have made or a reaction you have had?
I find it rather humorous though that in our fight for control we will hand it over willingly through the act of blame.
Blaming someone for a choice that you made gives them the responsibility and the expectation to fix it. This gives the blamed person control of the situation once again.
Our Battle For Control
We were created to be dependent, to rely on each other for support. God saw that Adam should not be alone (Genesis 2:18). We actually desire and find comfort in healthy dependency.
Satan takes the beautiful gift of that vulnerability and tells us that God is controlling. That submission is weak.
God wants us to desire dependance on Him, but Satan likes to tempt us with empty and destructive substitutes.
There is a battle for our dependence, God versus Satan.
There are three areas of the battle
1. Emotional – Intimate Dependence
God created us to desire closeness and to be understood; to need and to be needed.
Satan takes the gift of intimacy and tries to break it through abuse, illicit and dangerous sexual behavior, heartache, manipulation, and now isolation through the internet.
God =Intimate VS Satan= Isolation.
2. Financial Dependence
God loves to bless His children and expects us to use our money Wisely. We are not only to provide for ourselves and our families, but also to bless the lives of others and to share the gospel.
Satan takes opportunities for us to be stewards and flashes false perception of status, gambling, income comparison, compromise, and power.
God =Steward VS Satan= Squander
3. Sensory Dependance
God gave us the joy of senses; ways to satisfy and nourish our lives. To taste and see that He is good.
Satan takes the gift of healthy senses and dulls or kills them with quick fix addictions. He feeds us the belief that we are not supposed to feel bad and that God doesn’t care if we do.
God= Claimed VS Satan= Condemned
God repeatedly promises that our dependence on him will give us a better return. He wants to give not take peace. He says he wants us to:
Lie down beside quiet waters – Psalm 23:1-2
Have a life without toil – Prov 10:22
Cast our burdens on Him – 1Peter 5:7
Carry a lighter yoke – Matthew 11:30
[click_to_tweet tweet=”We were created to depend, and we were given a choice as to who or what we will depend on.” quote=”We were created to depend, and we were given a choice as to who or what we will depend on.”]
Satan – manipulation, compromise, false fixes
God– Intimate, Blesses, Living Water
There is only one that is NOT controlling.
*Skunk Defense: Fletcher Dictionary (me)
A blast of insults and blame to catch you off guard, hurt and silence you